One year ago, I couldn't see a future and I was scared to go to sleep because I didn't think I would wake up. Unfortunately, due to a series of events that were happening around me, I was in a place that I had never been before. I felt weak and alone. I started to go to church to try to find peace by building a relationship with God. I was emotional and felt lost, after a few months of feeling this way and only getting worst I went to the doctors. This in it's self was very difficult, I had to admit to someone else that I was loosing control and needed help. I went to the appointment to get medication for my depression but was very hesitant to take it. So after another week of feeling this way, I decided to give the medicine a chance. I also started to see a counselor weekly.
After a few weeks of both the medication and counseling I started to slowly feel like myself again. However, I lost my self confidence. I questioned many things, one was if I would be able to add to my busy schedule, taking my daughter to cheer practice 4 times a week. Things that I would normally adjust to and not stress about, had be in fear and self doubt. I can say that I was able to change my evening routine and add taking my daughter to cheer practice, I became the cheer mom and towards the end had to step in and help the girls finish their season.
I continued my medication and counseling, I started to feel better and in a happier place, I was taking it one day at a time.
One day at work I was talking to a co-supervisor, who mentioned that she was applying for Cal State East Bay for fall 2019. I told her that I had my all my units to transfer but stopped going 11 years ago and hadn't gone back. She asked, "why not?" I came up with many reasons as I always did and had done repeatedly for the last 5 years. I went back to my desk and thought, "why not?" I had always had reasons like I didn't have the money, my kids were young, not enough time, but really it was because I was scared and didn't want to fail. It was that moment that I thought to myself and said enough of the excuses, I will apply and if I get accepted it was meant to be and I will try. I wanted it for myself and to show my daughters that college is important. I wanted to show them how hard I will have to work to accomplish my goal, graduating with a Bachelors of Science.
I applied for Cal State East Bay and decided to take a few classes at Los Medanos College to get back into the student mode.
Yesterday, Monday, January 28, 2019 I started my first semester back to school after a 11 year break and received my Conditional Acceptance for Cal State East Bay. I can now see a future, my future and I am excited for this new journey.
Hi Amber, thank you for sharing such deep feelings and experiences. I commend you for having the courage and strength to seek help. Many of us cowardly struggle with these feelings causing pain to others and ourselves, letting brief breaks act like a bandaid until the next episode surfaces. I have been there myself and I am happy to hear you are in a better place now. My "why not" moment came from my 8 year daughter on a drive to Target. I was in the middle of explaining the importance of education, college, and possible career choices she could have as an adult, when she asked, "why didn't you finish school mom?". I had a grand moment of reflection and dissatisfaction was the outcome. So the following week I enrolled to LMC and now I am showing her the opportunities education can open for us.
ReplyDeleteHi Amber, thank you for sharing such deep feelings and experiences. I commend you for having the courage and strength to seek help. Many of us cowardly struggle with these feelings causing pain to others and ourselves, letting brief breaks act like a bandaid until the next episode surfaces. I have been there myself and I am happy to hear you are in a better place now. My "why not" moment came from my 8 year daughter on a drive to Target. I was in the middle of explaining the importance of education, college, and possible career choices she could have as an adult, when she asked, "why didn't you finish school mom?". I had a grand moment of reflection and dissatisfaction was the outcome. So the following week I enrolled to LMC and now I am showing her the opportunities education can open for us.
ReplyDeleteHello Amber! You forgot to include your name in your post, but the good thing is that the link to you post had your name on it or else I wouldn't know what your name was. I am amazed at all the different things that you fall under, I never really thought about that. I am very happy about your success and I have been impacted by your testimony and I know that I am not the only one who was impacted by it. Keep up the great work, you still have many things to accomplish in your future!
ReplyDeleteHi Amber I am glad that you are going back to school and getting out of your comfort zone. I can also see that you are an amazing person and a strong fighter and glad that you decided to further your education and take a chance. Congratulations of your acceptance to Cal State East Bay and best of luck this semester!
ReplyDeleteHi Amber! You should be very proud of yourself for overcoming all the obstacles that have stood in your way. Your daughters will see that too and see how strong you have been to not only be there for them but to show them how important it is to go after your goals. That first step is always the hardest! I wish you the best of luck this semester and when you transfer to Cal State East Bay!
ReplyDeleteAmber,
ReplyDeleteIt is so brave of you to give such an honest and genuine introduction! I am happy you are finding yourself again and getting back into your groove. School is never easy to get back in to -- with or without kids. I am also a 30-something jumping back into the college world with kids (4 & 5) and it is terrifying! Congratulation on your conditional acceptance to CSEB, that is huge! Best of luck in kicking school's a$$ and continuing to work on yourself. You can't be the best mom, wife, sister, or friend until you are the best YOU. (super cheesy, but it is true)
Cheers to you!
Amanda
Hi Amber, thanks for opening up on such a personal level. I am glad things have gotten better for you. I understand life can be hard, but I am glad you've returned back to school because it is what you want. I think it is probably for the best you focused on your daughter when she was younger because I think that is when kids need you the most and when they are older, they like their independence. Best of luck.
ReplyDeleteHello, Amber!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your personal experiences. I hope that you continue being you, and please don't give up on. Your resilience and perseverance are your children's motivation and inspiration. I am happy for you for taking a huge leap and being brave despite all the challenges that life throws at you. Good luck on your studies! Take care.
Best Regards,
Regina